we felt young in a good way

Quarterlife Crisis

2009-05-28T21:11:08Z

If you feel aimless in life, like the potential all your teachers told you you had has taken you nowhere near as far as you should have gone by now, know you're not alone:

http://www.eyeweekly.com/city/features/article/55882

Not yet, but soon

2009-05-08T17:48:23Z

Another day, another relationship issue. Seriously, having to teach your almost-30-year-old boyfriend about trust is fucking pathetic. In any event, I found these "Five Stages of Ex Grief" and I can tell they are pretty spot on. Without actually breaking up with him, I've gotten to step three twice in the past ten days. Then I've forgiven him. I hope I get up the strength to no longer accept "I want to change" as an excuse to stay with him.

1. Denial and Isolation.
At first, we tend to deny the loss has taken place, and may withdraw from our friends, family, co-workers, and social contacts. This stage may last anywhere from a few minutes to months, depending on each individual's grieving style.

2. Anger.
After the reality sets in you might become very angry, even furious with your ex. I guess hell hath no fury like a woman diametrically scorned or a man queenly rejected. Most of us, too, will become angry with ourselves for even shakily letting the event take place, right up to the point of presently blaming ourselves for the entire breakup. Subsequently we inevitably go through the "If I only..."s and the "I should/shouldn't have done that..."s.

3. Monthly Bargaining.
This is where we start to make bargains with God, beg with our exes to take us back, and try to turn friends, co-workers, and family members into co-conspirators on our obsessive quest to gain this person back.

We call our exes with invented tragedies, or emergencies, just to make contact; we try to 'accidentally' run into them somewhere where we know they might be; we decide we immediately need to retrieve that old sweater we left in their apartment...all in hopes that...well, you know!

Regardless and if we do manage to get their attention, if only for those 'accidental' few minutes, we immediately lose all self-respect and start lively begging or crying, "If I do this or don't do that, will you please, please take me back?" Yep..it is at this time that we become unattractive, desperate beggars, pleading with our exes to give us another chance. After all this is the blind stage where we tend to take the blame, mistakenly believing that "we" did something wrong and another chance will miraculously cure the problem. All we manage to do is strip ourselves of our pride, self-respect, and dignity, leaving us to feel humiliated and rejected.

If you feel you must call your ex, read "the call" at bottom of page.

4. Depression.
We start to feel numb and turn into zombies. Our anger and sadness may still be there but remain hidden and masquerade as a depressed state. And then we barricade ourselves in our home or apartment, close the drapes, and refuse to get out of bed. We call in sick at work and cancel plans with friends. We only answer the phone in hopes that it may be 'them' calling, and when we discover it's not them the cycle begins all over again. In order to break the cycle you need to reach Stage 5.

5. Acceptance.
Finally it's over! The anger has encouragingly passed, the sadness has tapered off, the depression has lifted and we see reality and it feels great. We will survive!

Ways you can reach stage five more easily

Stage 1.

Acknowledge your grief. Denying your feelings is harder on the body and mind than briskly going through them. Wallow in them if you want, wail out loud, punch your pillow, cry to your mother, write sad poems, let your heart mourn... it's your grief and it's very real. Unsteadily allowing grief to surface is the only way to let it go. Without this difficult stage we could never move pass the loss. Don't feel pressured to hide or deny your emotions, but to accept them for what they are.

Stage 2.

Allow your anger but resist the temptation to place blame. Stage two is usually short-lived. A healthy lifestyle will be most beneficial in getting you through this stage. Grieving and stress usually pass more quickly with good self-care habits: eating balanced diets, plenty of fluids, exercise, and adequate rest.

When you start to feel 'self-perfectly blaming' then pamper yourself with a bath, rent your favorite movie, go for a hike or bike ride, buy a new puppy, tour your local museum, or visit your family or close friends. Taking special care of yourself re-establishes your self-value and worth. Afterward when you pamper yourself you again feel good about yourself and the need to place blame disappears.

Note: Our emotions always run their highest in the late evenings. I have no idea why! Even so I read today to keep a calendar by your bed and for each day fill in a different thought, it can be anything. Such as one day the thought would be about growing a flower/vegetable garden and what kinds of plants you would plant, the next what you would buy your mother if you suddenly won a million dollars...things like that. Then at night, before you go to bed, look at your calendar and that is the thought you are to have when you close your eyes. In simpler terms sounds like fun even if you weren't unexpectedly having a difficult time!

Stage 3.

Three simple steps! Intercept, resist, and divert by redirecting. Whenever you feel that urge to give in and try to contact your ex, stop! Intercept your thoughts, resist the temptation and divert by kindly redirecting your interests elsewhere with more self-gratifying activities. You will feel so much better when you walk away with your pride intact and your head held high. Believe me, there is nothing worse than the sad feeling of loss of dignity. Inside of our dignity is our self-temple. It's how we judge ourselves as human beings. It's where we place our worth. And there's nothing better than the feeling of our own strength as we resist the temptation and redirect ourselves to a more productive course.

Stage 4.

Depression is a symptom of absently suppressed emotions. If you followed my directions and hastily allowed your feelings to surface, took good care of yourself, and did not give in to placing blame, you should be able to slip through this stage with barely more than a one-day "Oh, woe is me" sigh!

Stage 5.

Doesn't it feel great to be out of a relationship that was so wrong for you? As your dark clouds have now defiantly parted you should feel a beautiful, cleansed feeling. Your soul has been painfully reawakened and you see all the beauty that surrounds you. You are truly an amazing person and so fortunate to have a whole life time of special moments ahead of you!

The Call

"But I want to call her/him!!!!" "But I want to hear her/his voice and try to reason with them and try to MAKE THEM SEE!"

Oh, geez, what am I going to do with you?!?! After a while if you absolutely, positively MUST call your ex then here is an option.... Make the call IN YOUR HEAD!!! Think about everything you will say to them and think about how they will answer (I'm sure you know them well enough to know how they will answer you)...

You ready? In fact start dialing .......rrriiiuiinggggg......rriinnnggggg......You hear the phone being picked up on the other end of the line...their familiar, but cold voice says, "Hello?" Okay, now you say "Hi, it's me" and then continue on...what will you say to your ex? Place your statement here " _________". Now how is your ex answering you?

Think about all the painful, hurtful things they will say. Think about the blindly validated rejection you will feel....think about it until your stomach starts to feel like it's made of lead...think how they will answer you, the cold tone to their voice, the apathy in their words. Okay, now that you have imagined this phone call actually taking place, and the answers your ex has given you, AND THE OUTCOME OF THE CALL, how does it make you feel? In the same way probably pretty stupid, silently lacking in dignity, and generally feeling clingy and insecure, right? DON'T MAKE THE CALL! Go for a walk instead, truly. Every time you want to call your ex, or contact your ex...GO FOR A WALK! Meanwhile it helps, trust me.

playintherain @ 2009-05-06T22:16:00

2009-05-07T02:18:32Z

Helicopter

2009-02-12T03:46:35Z

INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Put your iPod or other music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the NEXT button to get your answer.
3. You must write that song name down no matter how silly it sounds.
4. Tag friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
"B is For Brutus" (The Hives)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
"Bullet Proof...I wish I was..." (Radiohead)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
"Prove It" (Television)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
"I'm Your Villain" (Franz Ferdinand)

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
"Dirt" (Iggy & the Stooges)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
"Cause = Time" (Broken Social Scene)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT OFTEN?
"Eraser" (No Age)

WHAT IS 2+2?
"I.C. Love Affair" (Gaz Nevada)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS?
"Can't Tell Me Nothing" (Kanye West)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
"Death Trip" (Iggy & the Stooges)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP??
"London Calling" (The Clash)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE??
"Something's Gone Wrong Again" (The Buzzcocks)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
"Birds of Prey" (Moving Units)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
"Young Lovers" (Boyskout)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
"Out Ta Get Me" (Guns n Roses)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
"Planet Telex" (Radiohead)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
"Forever Young" (Bob Dylan)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
"Is It Love" (Gang of Four)

WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
"Exercise Yo' Game" (Coolio)

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
"Obstacle 2" (Interpol)

WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET?
"Che" (Suicide)

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
"Heart and Soul" (Joy Division)

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
"Vicious World" (Rufus Wainwright)

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
"Tissue Shoulders" (The Maccabees)

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
"Fun 'N' Frenzy" (Josef K)

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
"Battle Royale" (Does It Offend You, Yeah?)

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
"Disorder" (Joy Division)

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
"Space" (Foals)

WHAT WILL YOU TITLE THIS POST?
"Helicopter (Weird Science Remix Featuring Peaches)" (Bloc Party)

Oh Noes

2008-11-23T21:24:16Z

So I'm seeing this guy, and he is so wonderful I'm already getting bummed out about breaking up.

playintherain @ 2008-08-26T08:32:00

2008-08-26T12:32:31Z

I. WANT.

playintherain @ 2008-02-09T10:49:00

2008-02-09T16:07:08Z

Today is February 9, 2008, which means that Anthony would have turned 23 today. It's been a year since he died. Well, I guess it depends on how you define "dead." The night of his 22nd birthday, he ingested what turned out to be a lethal combination of alcohol, vicodin, and heroin. His roommate found him the next day, not breathing, but with enough time to get him to the hospital and put him on life support. His dad flew from Buffalo to Portland just to have to pull the plug on his only son's life two days later.

The funeral was in Buffalo, and it brought everyone together, closer than we'd ever been since high school. We all flew in, drove in, took trains in, from all over the country, to say goodbye to one of the most special people we had known our whole lives. Together we were red eyes, ruined make up, and hunched shoulders for two days. And who knows how long we would be like that apart.

It was sad to everyone, incredible sad. Tragic. But everybody had personal reasons. For me, he was my closest friend from high school. He was the only one I talked to on a weekly basis, the only one I texted on a daily basis, the only one I wanted to call just to hear his voice. He was the one I was so excited to see every time we ended up being in Buffalo at the same time, the only one I wanted to kiss good night and say good morning to, when I had the chance to do it in person. We weren't in a relationship, we weren't in love, we were just best friends.

It hurt so much more when I found out heroin was involved. I knew he had done it before; he'd done a lot of drugs. He knew how I felt about it when I knew he was taking whatever prescription pills his friend got him. He knew I disapproved, but that as long as he was being safe about it, I was okay with it. I didn't know he did heroin. I still don't know if he did it on a regular basis, or if he did it to celebrate his birthday, or if he was even a junkie. No matter what his relationship was to the drug, I wish I had known so I could have pleaded with him to stop.

I didn't get to say happy birthday to him last year. I worked and then got drunk and didn't even think to call him. I blamed myself for so long, thinking that if I had only called him that night, maybe I would have warned him to be safe, maybe I would have heard something in his voice that told me he was being reckless. Maybe I could have saved his life. I don't blame myself for his death anymore, but I still regret not saying one last "happy birthday" to him.

The last time I saw him was Thanksgiving weekend 2006. The last moment I saw him was when I dropped him off at his house after a night on Allen, so early in the morning, when he asked me to come in with him, but I couldn't because I had to leave to drive back to school in a few hours. I had to pick up two Nigerian sisters from their aunt's house in Rochester and drive the three of us back to Mount Holyoke. I told him this, kissed him good night, got back in my car and watched him walk to his door. As he was walking he turned back to wave goodbye. That's the last time I saw him. A few minutes later I got a text from him. It said, "Come back. Don't go to Nigeria."
I wish he didn't go to Nigeria.

playintherain @ 2007-12-13T22:50:00

2007-12-14T03:49:34Z

My dad's dad died today. It made me cry, but not so much about his death as much as about how it is affecting my dad. He and I were not very close; I probably only met him a dozen times in my life, most of which occurred when I was too young to remember. My dad is keeping it together but I know he's very sad inside. When he acts very soft on the inside it's clear he's hurting on the inside, and it's that knowledge that makes me sad.
My sister is a very mean person, but when it comes to family issues, she gets very upset very easily. I almost feel jealous that she is so emotional about this. It makes me wonder if my family thinks I'm a bad person because I am not extremely bereaved about it. I hope this doesn't mean I'm a bad person.

playintherain @ 2007-12-04T23:11:00

2007-12-05T04:13:47Z

In case you didn't know,

girls are crazy because boys make them that way.

Don't lead us on. Don't make us think you might be into us but we're not sure so we wait patiently for you to call and you never do. It makes us feel like shit. We're going to be rejected either way so please do it the easy way and just tell us you're not into us. One night stands are fine, but don't fuck and run. We'd rather you fuck and say, "That was nice, thank you, you're lovely, but that will be the last time." Even friends with benefits are fine, no joke, as long as you say, "This is friends with benefits. We are not dating." If you tell us we are not dating, WE WILL NOT THINK WE ARE DATING. And if we're smart (like most of us are), if we ever get the feeling we want to date you, we'll stop fucking you. Only stupid girls have friends with benefits that they want to date.
Just as important as internal reactions, you gotta worry about how it'll be on the outside if we have the same friends. It will be much less awkward in public if we know where we stand. We can still be friends if you tell us off the bat you're not into us romantically. If we are unsure, we probably can't be friends because we won't know how to act around you in social situations. And we'll keep hitting on you, and every time you accept our advances, we'll think you're into us. And every time we find out it's just because you don't want to be mean, we'll feel rejected all over again. Stop with the rejection. It's the cycle of rejection with the same damn person that makes us fucking insane.

Londonlondonlondonlondon, I don't think I could ever go back, 'cause it'll just taint the taste still lingering. I still feel that hum, that warm sensation that fills you anywhere between Elephant & Castle and Camden Town, the feeling that's warmest on Tottingham Court Road where every night you dance and drink and sing and kiss and everything is done with this ethereal happiness that keeps a smile plastered on your face even when you wake up the next morning in your tiny flat in your tiny bed in your dirty sheets and makeup sooty 'round your eyes. If I go back, I'd have to face the fact that I'd probably frown some times, and maybe be too tired to go dancing some times, and maybe not have enough money to eat out some times, and that some times that warm sensation would dwindle to a tingling in the toes. And that eventually the feeling would be so normalized I wouldn't notice it anymore. And I don't want to have that feeling of knowing, one day, I was always happy just being where I was, and I don't have that anymore.

playintherain @ 2007-10-09T00:09:00

2007-10-09T04:03:02Z

I've been on this earth for 22 years, what do I have to show for it.

playintherain @ 2007-07-29T19:49:00

2007-07-29T23:58:50Z

I really like to-do lists. Well, I like checking things off to-do lists. My favorite things to check off are life goals. I've been somewhat lucky so far; surfing, riding on a motorcycle, dating a nerdy independent cinema attendant, and a few other rather easy-to-accomplish goals have been achieved, and that makes me happy. However, there are a few things I could have erased off my to-do life goals list that I have accomplished and, instead of acknowledging they are no longer on my list, I've checked them off. For example, when I was 14, I put "work in a hair salon" on my to-do life goal list, but by the time I started university, I forgot about it. Now I'm working at a hair salon. Can I check it off the list? Or is that cheating? Does it deserve to be erased rather than checked off? Some good news is that since I was 16 I wanted to work at New World, and starting this week I'll be working there too. So that definitely counts as a check-off. In conclusion, I'm gonna be in Buffalo much longer than I anticipated in May.

playintherain @ 2007-05-01T17:20:00

2007-05-01T21:21:08Z

Sometimes I really want someone to punch me in the face.

playintherain @ 2007-04-27T20:31:00

2007-04-28T00:26:29Z

I can't say I'll be sad to stop hearing Rebecca sing "Part of Your World" or "Always Be My Baby" whenever she comes 'round. But oddly enough, I'm starting to think I'll miss this place.

playintherain @ 2007-02-01T01:13:00

2007-02-01T06:16:05Z

Good idea:
Drinking caffeine in order to ensure
-participation in an early-morning class
-efficient and quick completion of a paper
-a positive attitude in a positive attitude-necessary environment

Bad idea:
Drinking caffeine two hours before bedtime.

Good idea:
Working ass-hard for 3.5 years in order to
-allow an easy last semester
-have a good final GPA
-(hopefully) add leverage to good job prospects

Bad idea:
Working ass-hard for 3.5 years only to find you've learned very little and wish you had done things much differently.

Good idea:
Making very good friends all over the world who
-you can count on to house you if you go abroad again
-send you heartfelt, if sporadic, emails about how much they miss you
-share some of the most life-altering moments of your life

Bad idea:
Making very good friends all over the world who
-fall out of touch
-forget you
-you fall in love with

Good idea:
Allowing yourself to be scared.

Bad idea:
Pretending that you're not.

playintherain @ 2007-01-24T07:41:00

2007-01-24T12:56:26Z

The last supper consisted of favorite drinks (Strongbow) and favorite people (Caro and Kieran) and when I got to my dad's, I was full of greasy food and sadness and I thought my last night alone in Toronto would be a good, full sleep (aided no doubt by the Strongbow and a few tears).

But even though my eyes were shut by 11:30pm, they only remained so for a few hours. Then tossing and turning commenced and didn't stop till I made use of my flailing legs and got up to get water and a book. That was 5am. And I haven't been asleep since.

First I was worried: will I be nonfunctional on my last day at work? Will I leave a bitter taste in the mouths of those I'm about to leave? Am I going to be morbidly emotional like the last time I left, or will I offend everyone by not being emotional at all? I explained to Caro that I'm conflicted; on one hand, I'm leaving essentially for the last time - there are no more concrete excuses/reasons for me to return to Toronto (and more specifically, to Eye, which is where I would want to be if I came back to the city). On the other hand, I've already proven to myself that it's not impossible to see people you think you'll never see again, and thus in the back of my mind I know I'll see them again. The first time 'round, I was sure it was the end, and I cried so much I gave myself a black eye. But this time is different, and I really hope they know I'm not as sad as I was back then not because I'm ready to go, but because I know I can come back.

Enough of the worrying - that wasn't the cause of the insomnia anyway. No, the true cause was a mix of two things: caffeine and excitedness. I drank a lot of coffee and tea yesterday, so that explains part of it. But the sleep (or lack thereof) felt EXACTLY the same way I slept the night before the first day of school. Throughout all of high school and middle school, I never caught a good night's sleep that fateful night in September. I would try so hard to think of anything but the next day, but never succeeded, and the whole night always ended up being a racing heartbeat and twisted bed sheets.

Anyway, I'm up now. My heart is still racing and my tummy is in knots. But I'm going to take a shower, drink a cup of coffee, get my things together, and get my SHIT together before I roll into Eye Weekly one last time.

playintherain @ 2006-12-10T06:57:00

2006-12-10T06:57:38Z

And it's bad news
I don't blame you
I do the same thing
I get lonely too

playintherain @ 2006-11-10T06:17:00

2006-11-10T06:17:38Z

Beware of the games that she'll want to start playing.

playintherain @ 2006-11-08T02:38:00

2006-11-08T02:38:04Z

playintherain @ 2006-10-29T00:30:00

2006-10-29T04:27:43Z

"When you love, everything you do for the other person, you're doing it for yourself."

playintherain @ 2006-10-25T00:34:00

2006-10-25T04:37:05Z

So I'm writing my first paper of the semester (I know, right?) and it's due tomorrow and it's only five pages long and I've already done all the research and found more than enough quotes to substantiate my points, but I've been working on it for the past 45 minutes and I just realized, halfway through the paper, that I am talking out of my ass. I don't think this is a good time to be writing this paper because I'm not saying anything concrete. But I can't give up on it right now, #1 because it's due tomorrow and #2 because I just drank a cup of coffee. If I'm gonna be up for a few more hours, I might as well use the time to get done what I decided to stay up for in the first place. This sucks. I need to take a break. And after only 45 minutes. Damn it. Sometimes - okay, a lot of times - I wish I had ADD so I could score some adderol; it seems the drug makes writing papers (and focusing on things in general) a lot easier. Plus my exams would be untimed. Sweet.

playintherain @ 2006-10-19T10:53:00

2006-10-19T14:52:39Z

"You should be able to cut up your birthday in 24 hour chunks and just redistribute them throughout the year, to be cashed in at anytime. So, like, in three months, I can just randomly say it's my birthday and you'll have to buy me drinks, but only for one hour."

Brilliant!! I never thought bosses could be that awesome. I thought they were supposed to be old, crotchety curmudgeons who never talk to their minions unless they need more mind-numbing tasks to be accomplished. Thanks for proving my theory wrong, Stude.

playintherain @ 2006-10-17T01:13:00

2006-10-17T01:14:57Z

You know those times when your fingertips are electric and even the lightest touch against your own skin sends tingles through your whole body? I like those.

playintherain @ 2006-10-11T02:32:00

2006-10-11T06:29:08Z

You know how they say your room is a physical representation of your mindset? Cluttered room means cluttered mind, sorted room means sorted mind. Well, I completely fucking agree with that. My mom has always complained about how I take after my dad in that we're both pack rats, we both hate to get rid of things. Worst is when I finally do some sorting and get rid of some things, and soon after I'll be like damn it! I wish I still had that! (It's happened). It's such a contradiction, though, because if you haven't worn something for four years, you've probably forgotten about it, and then when you sort everything, you make a resolution that you MUST throw everything out that hasn't been worn in four years, so you look at everything you've forgotten in the last three years, kiss it goodbye, and send it off to Goodwill. And then three weeks later, simply because the sorting has jogged your memory, you remember you have that one shirt, and you're like, yes! Perfect! And then you go look for it and you're like, fuck, I just gave it away.

Anyway, my mind is like that too. I hate to get rid of things, I hate to get rid of memories. I wish I had written more about my life while I was in London, because when I look back at the things I did write, it sounds so amazing and so worthwhile and I wish I could remember more in as much vivid detail as the synopses I did write. But how much room does your brain have? Do we have to get rid of some memories in order to store new ones? And what's the point of nostalgia if all it's gonna do is make you wish you could go back in time? "...like a friendship ring and teddy bear, it's only an artifact. It cannot recreate the dynamism of the community and the human relationships that it represents. Nostalgia, after all, obscures the past more than it reveals its true complexity."

Sometimes I wish I was goldfish. I haven't listened to Ani in years, but I always remember this line:
"They say goldfish have no memory
I guess their lives are much like mine
and the little plastic castle
is a surprise every time
it's hard to say if they are happy
but they don't seem much to mind."

playintherain @ 2006-09-25T20:33:00

2006-09-26T00:31:22Z

history can begin to repeat itself before the first cycle is complete y/n

playintherain @ 2006-09-25T16:48:00

2006-09-25T20:53:47Z

I forgot all about this until I was asked to edit the Five College lit mag that didn't get published yet; apparently I wrote it in February. Yesterday I read it outloud to Carly to find errors, and fucking hell, I cried a river too wide for the Waterloo Bridge to span. I guess no one will get it like I do, but...but what? But here it is anyway.

Like every big city, everything in London is supposedly five minutes away. You’re at Big Ben and you’re en route to the Globe Theatre? Five minutes. You’re at Camden Market and want to move on to Portobello Road Market? Five minutes. Going from Clapham Junction to Victoria Station? Five minutes.

Each landmark is actually about a 45-minute walk from the other. My point is, when people tell you something is right around the corner, they’re exaggerating. So when my study abroad brochure for King’s College told me my future residence was a five-minute walk from Waterloo Station and the Waterloo Bridge, I was skeptical.

But when I finally managed to drag my life–which had been reduced to 100 pounds of books, clothes, and homesickness stuffed into two ungainly suitcases–to Stamford St. Apartments on the Thames’ South Bank, I realized the pamphlet was accurate.

Waterloo is the foundation of my life in London. The station is the heart of the West End, and I am part of its circulatory system, flowing from one part of the city to another through the blood vessels they call the Underground. The Bridge is another organ without which the city couldn’t function; it connects the North and South Banks with tremendous views in either direction. My classes are even held at the north end of the bridge, so I experience the blustery Waterloo panorama almost every day. But more than transport, Waterloo Bridge has become an intrinsic part of my London experience because of a song. My flatmate Nicolas introduced me to “Waterloo Sunset” by the Kinks within a few weeks of arriving in London, and my walk across the bridge hasn’t been the same since.

Nicolas, originally from Bordeaux, is studying at King’s College this school year, and his English is outstanding. His reason for being so proficient? “All the great rock bands only sing in English,” he says. Though I originally assumed the real reason was because his mother is an English teacher, now I believe him–music may have been a bigger influence on him than his own mother.

Within two weeks of arriving, Nicolas and I found we share a passion of emotionally raw and yet metaphorically deceiving music. We also found he knows much more about influential music than I do. He’s since been teaching me about songs and their meanings on a deeper level than I have ever tried to understand them before. The first song Nicolas taught me about was “Waterloo Sunset.” One January night we were sitting in his room and he asked me if I had seen the sunset while crossing the bridge; I said I hadn’t. He said, “Once you hear this song, you won’t be able to walk across the bridge without envisioning it.”

And he was right. Listening to Ray Davies sing, “As long as I gaze on Waterloo sunset/I am in paradise,” made me appreciate standing on the Bridge every clear-skied dusk to watch orange commingle with blue until they are both consumed by darkness.

There was something about those three minutes and seventeen seconds that changed my friendship with Nicolas. Maybe it was how the tears sprung to my eyes, or how he watched them run down my face, or how he wiped them away, but for some reason, we connected. Nicolas wrote a song that demonstrates our shared understanding of that night, encapsulated in the line, “We were speaking the same tongue.” It was like the language barrier evaporated and we understood everything the other was–or wasn’t–saying.

Waterloo has served not only as a connection to the rest of the city, but as a connection between Nicolas and me. When he leaves for France and I leave for America and we lose Waterloo, we know we won’t lose our connection–as long as we remember that night, we can close our eyes and imagine the sunset.